Hi there, friends, hello— 

I have been going through some pretty serious stuff, and I have struggled with whether or not to write about it. I took some polls on Instagram, and it seems like most of you want to know, so... I wrote about it here. With a lot of fear and hesitation in my heart. Please be kind and gentle with me. It is a lot. 

Before you click, trigger warning: This is about the termination of my pregnancy. If you feel like this is too much for you right now, just skip it. Please notice and take care of whatever it is you feel you need right now.

ALSO, I kindly request, please don’t talk to me about it. Or Josh. I am really struggling to get through every day right now. The pain of existence is really heavy. I feel like it is part of MY healing process to be as transparent about this as possible - but also to respect my personal boundaries that I cannot talk to you about it in the grocery store. It will destroy me. I hope that in sharing this it helps you feel two things;

1.  Like Glennon Doyle says: We can do hard things;
2.  Life is so painful and beautiful. And we are all humans trying to do the best we can for the people we love. I am trying really hard not to judge myself or others for the decisions they make. Who knows what you would have done if you were them. I want to believe that people are good. That they mean well. That “there isn’t anyone I couldn’t love once I heard their story.”

Now, some fun things for you this week: 

We collected our past love letters here! To open whenever you need to. Also, is this a blog? Do people still blog? Idk.

Aaaaaaand, you all are seriously BRILLIANT and gave us so many ideas for things to watch & podcasts to listen to. Thank you. I needed every one of these. We compiled them for you here. 

My favorite Freda Salvador is having a sale! 20% off (almost) everything. 

This Dead Inside Chocolate Skull is what Halloween dreams are made of. Lagusta is a genius. 

Speaking of Halloween... would you just look at these toilet paper bats? Everything Jenny does is so sweet. 

I made a travel mug with SFMOMA. I think it turned out pretty cute. 

Speaking of SFMOMA, I really want to see this show. 

And, I'm so into Stacey Beach's new work. Have you seen it? 

Okay, I know I am late to Sally Rooney, but I've been living inside the pages of Normal People and I can't put it down. The sex scenes... 

It is really nice when people are appreciated for their genius (even if the idea of genius is a little weird)... and I am a big fan of Hanif Abdurraqib. If you want to dip a toe into his work, this podcast is a good place to start. 

So, it's fall. Can someone make this for me please? 

And lastly... are you team candy corn or no? 

Lots of love to everyone out there, especially anyone who might be sad right now. I'm right there with you. 

Carissa xx